


remember me love, when i'm reborn

by sylviewashere



Series: bemily week 2019 [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bemily Week, Bemily Week 2019 - The Bellas Find Out, Character Death, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Not Really A Happy Ending, bechloe friendship, sort of comfort....not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 00:03:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18083528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylviewashere/pseuds/sylviewashere
Summary: This wasn't how they were supposed to find out.





	remember me love, when i'm reborn

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry

This definitely wasn’t how Beca wanted them to find out.

It wasn’t even a secret, really. It’s just that neither of them wanted to make things weird for everyone else by dropping the fact that they were dating in the Bellas group chat.

Emily especially wanted to wait until the next Bellas reunion to tell them, because “This is the type of thing you just _have_ to tell people in person, Beca!”

Beca was fine with that rule. Except, they forgot to take into account the nosiest person they know, Chloe Beale. Plus, Chloe was Beca’s best friend, so of course she told her. How could she not after Chloe asking every time she called if Beca was seeing anyone?

Emily understood though, and Chloe immediately lost her mind when Beca told her. But she was as supportive as ever, and, after calming down, said, “That explains why when you skyped me the other day she kissed you on the head when she walked by. I thought maybe that was just some weird Emily thing.”

It kind of was some weird Emily thing. She had a lot of weird Emily things.

Emily always ate gummy bears head first. And she didn’t like the green ones. Beca always ended up with a pile of green gummy bears when Emily was done.

Emily kind of hated wearing pants when she was home, so she walked around in boxers. Which surprised Beca when she first moved in with her, but she got very used to it.

Emily also always had to talk to herself while she was driving. She explained to Beca that it was kind of a nervous habit, because she didn’t get her license until she was 18, so she was really insecure about her driving skill. She sort of guided herself through it, like she was pretending to be her own driving instructor. The only time she didn’t do this was if she was singing along to the radio.

Beca never minded, though. She never minded any of Emily’s weird habits. Emily sure didn’t mind hers - like how Beca talks to herself while she works or how she likes having the TV and music on at the same time while she naps.

The day that everyone else finds out is sunny and beautiful and warm and radiates everything Emily loved about springtime.

Beca hates it.

Funerals shouldn’t be held on sunny days.

Somehow, it’s even more depressing than if it were pouring rain and everyone was standing around with black umbrellas, staring at a casket. It’s almost a reminder that life goes on, life can still be beautiful. And Emily’s missing out on it.

Days with weather like this would make Emily want to go outside, on a picnic or for ice cream. She’d insist that they go to the park, and she’d show off how high she could swing and probably make Beca push her. The last time they did this, Beca wasn’t quite ready, and Emily slammed into her and they both ended up with huge bruises.

It’s startling to think that this happened just a week ago.

Beca sometimes wonders what it would be like if she knew. It’s ridiculous, of course, but this whole thing has stirred up a philosophical side of Beca she didn’t know she had (too bad she skipped so many philosophy lectures, maybe she would have actually done well).

But what if they did know? What if, one week ago, they knew that Emily would die the next Thursday night. Would they have done anything different? Beca’s not exactly sure what she would do - whether she would try to do something differently with Emily. She thinks that she knows what Emily would say though.

Emily wouldn’t have wanted anything different.

She would’ve still insisted that Beca push her on the swing, and that they get bruised up and have to go home and break out the ice packs and groan when they accidentally bump into each other while trying to cuddle and watch One Day At A Time.

The thought is a little comforting. It doesn’t take away the distinct tightness in Beca’s stomach that makes her feel like her all of her organs are wound together like a coiled spring.

But it’s at least nice to think that, in a way, Emily’s last days were what she would have wanted. Even if it’s just hypothetical.

Chloe drives her. She insisted, even though it wasn’t exactly convenient for her. Beca’s immensely thankful for her. Because Chloe’s really the only one who knows just how hard this is for Beca. It’s hard for all of them, of course.

But Chloe saw how much Emily meant to Beca. She was Beca’s muse, her sunlight, her everything. That’s why Chloe drove as fast as she could to the hospital when Beca called her, sobbing and almost incoherent.

Beca doesn’t remember it very well. But Chloe remembers seeing Beca like she’s never seen her before. She paced endlessly around the waiting room in the hospital, seething with anger and threatening to find the driver that caused the accident and knock his lights out.

Emily’s family was there, her parents and half-brother keeping to themselves, not really knowing if they should approach Beca or not. Chloe didn’t know if they knew about their relationship either. She suspected Emily’s parents at least didn’t, considering the only one to say anything to Beca was Emily’s half-brother. He gave Beca a tight hug and telling her that he was glad she was here.

They didn’t say much else to each other. After all, what could they say?

When the doctors told Beca that Emily didn’t make it, Chloe saw the anger dissolve from Beca’s body. Her balled up fists where replaced with slumped shoulders and angry tears and cursing turned into silence.

Beca’s never looked so lost in her entire life. Chloe made her come stay with her for the night. She didn’t want Beca to be alone in her and Emily’s apartment after this.

Beca was silent the whole night and for most of the day after that.

Today, she’s especially quiet. She doesn’t know how much she’s really taking in. Emily’s family talks for a while, recalling how wonderful Emily was.

Is.

Was.

Thinking about Emily in the past tense is something Beca doesn’t want to do. But she has to. Because it’s not like she can just pretend Emily’s still here.

A gentle breeze goes by while Emily’s mom gives a teary eulogy, and Beca starts to think maybe she needs to see a therapist because she swears something about the breeze just feels like Emily to her, and she can’t explain why.

Does she believe in ghosts? An afterlife?

She didn’t before, but watching her girlfriend be lowered into the ground makes Beca understand why people believe in an afterlife. At least then Emily wouldn’t just be in the ground.

Emily always joked that she wanted a viking funeral, flaming arrows and all. Beca told her she didn’t think that was completely accurate, but Emily just said, “Do it anyway.”

Joking about it made it seem so far away, like it was something that would never actually happen. Beca supposes it’s a foolish thought. But that’s always how she felt with Emily. Like nothing could ever bring them down.

Beca doesn’t speak at the funeral. Why would she? As far as everyone here - except Chloe - knows, she’s just another one of Emily’s friends.

The Bellas all go to Beca and Emily’s apartment afterwards, for their own sort of memorial service. Only now it’s just Beca’s. It doesn’t feel like it though. Sleeping there alone feels foreign to Beca. Like she doesn’t belong here anymore.

Emily’s things are still mostly still here. Her brother is supposed to come help Beca pack them soon. Beca can’t bring herself to start on her own.

She still finds herself getting out two mugs from Emily’s collection in the morning. Sometimes she makes a cup of tea in addition to her own coffee. She doesn’t drink it. But the smell of it reminds her of Emily.

All of the Bellas are pretty quiet, which is eerie. No one knows what to say. None of them expected that this would be the reason they reunited again.

Stacie finally breaks the silence and shares her favorite memory of Emily. It was when Emily had first joined the Bellas, and they went through Aubrey’s aca-boot camp. Emily accidentally pushed Stacie in the water and laughed at her, and Stacie retaliated by pulling her in too.

Stacie’s memory sparks the rest of the Bellas into sharing their Emily memories. All of them are packed into the living room, some on the couches and some on the ground around the coffee table. Occasionally they even get to laugh, and reality feels a little less off.

Beca only half listens from her spot on the ground by the loveseat, as distant as she can make herself. Chloe notices that Beca is staring at the wall while Aubrey is talking and nudges her.

“Hey,” she whispers, so Aubrey’s story won’t be interrupted.

“Hey.”

“Do you want to…?” Chloe trails off, but Beca understands and shrugs. “They have to find out eventually, you know.”

“I guess.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Okay.”

“But…”

“Yeah.”

Beca looks up and the rest of the Bellas are looking at her. She’s the only one who hasn’t talked. None of them have heard her say anything all day, not even a hello.

“What?” Beca asks. She’s suddenly aware of how tired she sounds.

“Did you want to say anything?” Aubrey asks, breaking the silence that fell over everyone.

“I don’t know,” Beca mumbles, playing with a frayed piece of the rug she’s sitting on. Then she remembers what Emily said to her about the next Bellas reunion. She closes her eyes and feels Chloe’s hand on her back, steadying her. “Emily and I...we were dating.”

Beca expects them to burst out into gasps and exclamations, but it’s quiet. All of them are just listening, holding their breath.

“We’ve been dating. For about six months now. We were going to tell you all, but Emily...she wanted to wait to tell you in person. So, I feel like she’d want me to tell you now.”

There’s some murmuring now, a few expressions of pity that Beca doesn’t want. But she expected them. They don’t hurt. They just don’t help fill the pit inside Beca that threatens to cave in at any moment.

Beca gets up all of a sudden, moving toward the bedroom to find the object that’s been on her mind for weeks, before any of this ever happened. The other girls ask what she’s doing, but she comes back quickly. She sits at the coffee table and places the small box on it.

A few of them are confused, but Aubrey and Chloe both gasp in unison.

“Beca,” Chloe says through a sudden sob.

“What is it?” Flo asks, because she can’t see over Stacie’s head. Stacie eyes Beca, silently asking if she can take the box. Beca nods, and Stacie opens the box, revealing the ring.

“An engagement ring,” Beca answers, no discernable emotion in her tone. Empty.

“When were you going to do it?” Aubrey asks.

“I don’t know, I didn’t really have a plan yet,” Beca says honestly. “I just knew I would at some point.”

The conversation hits a wall at that point. Beca isn’t crying, she’s spent almost every night since the accident crying. She just feels tired and heavy, like gravity is going the extra mile on her body, pulling her further and further into the earth.

She almost wishes that’s where she was. 

The Bellas don’t stay much longer, most of them who came from out of town leave to go to their own hotels. A couple of them linger a while longer. Stacie and Aubrey talk for a while in the kitchen, cleaning some of the glasses they had used. Chloe left for a while, asking Stacie and Aubrey to stay with Beca until she got back.

Aubrey asked if that’s what Beca wanted, and she agreed. She didn’t want to talk, but her friends’ presence was comforting, and hearing them talk in the background helped drown the noise in her head.

Chloe returned and whispered something to Stacie and Aubrey, before joining Beca in the living room again. Beca’s rolling the ring in her hands, admiring the way it shines in the light.

“You didn’t tell me about this,” Chloe says, sitting down next to Beca.

“I didn’t really get the chance.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound aggressive.”

“It’s okay. I know you don’t mean it.”

“Can I offer you something?”

“What?” Chloe opens her hand, and Beca places the ring in it. “You’re not taking it.”

Beca hates how desperate she sounds, how pathetic the words come out.

“No, just for a second.”

She pulls out something from her purse and fiddles with the ring for a moment. Beca realizes what she left to go get and almost feels like she could cry again. But she feels Stacie and Aubrey watching from the kitchen, so she holds back.

Chloe guides the chain over Beca’s head, leaving the ring dangling around her neck. Beca looks down at it and then back up at Chloe, who’s watching her with watery eyes.

“If you don’t want it, I understand. I just thought you wouldn’t want to just get rid of the ring. But stowing it away felt sad too, and I talked to the other girls about it and they--”

Beca clutches the ring and says softly, “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> you have a right to come yell at me for interpreting this prompt like this (tumblr @rosadiaznypd)


End file.
